July 16, 2014

Waiting

Waiting for...what?  It’s been nearly two years since I blogged here.  I used to take such delight in writing and taking pictures of what I was up to, what was growing, what I was canning or freezing or baking, what was wandering around on our property. 



And then we moved to WA, and I was waiting until we got settled in a new home before I started blogging again.  Waiting, waiting, waiting.

But things didn't get “back to normal” as they so often have in our 30 years of adventures together. The list of lingering issues since moving here includes health struggles for both of us, financial stress, and the serious illness and death of my father.  All along this two-year stretch I've been telling myself that once this happens, or that happens, then things will be o.k.  - then I’ll feel like blogging, and taking photos, and all the other creative stuff.  One of the things I was waiting on was the sale of our Iowa house.  Well, after more than two years it has finally sold—almost.  It’s not a perfect scenario since the closing is delayed, but Lord willing, six days and a few household repairs from now, the new owners will be moving in. I just KNEW that once that was accomplished, things would be alllllll better!  I just knew that once this sale happened we’d pop a bottle of champagne and sing “Happy Days Are Here Again!” But guess what?  That still didn't do it.  Unbelievably, I found myself still waiting to get happy enough to shout for joy!  Because, (I tell myself), there are still some serious issues to be resolved in our lives.  Better not get happy just yet.

The truth is that there always have been big issues to face, whether we knew they were there or not.  The truth is that there always will be!  God is in charge of the way things go, and waiting and waiting on what I’m expecting to happen is fruitless, and even worse, it’s  not as faithful as I desire to be.  I started small today by going out to my front yard and picking these gorgeous flowers to put on the kitchen counter.


Seems simple enough, but when you've steeped yourself in self-pity as long as I have, you begin to resist participating in even these little expressions of joy and delight in what God creates and gives us everyday.  Waiting in this way, is like having blinders on.

I realize this is an ugly confession to make, but I pray that I’m accomplishing more than just spilling my guts.  I’m praying that God will use this public declaration of failure to launch me out of my very stuck place.  In the midst of all this hardship, there have been countless blessings, just like there always have been, and always will be, because God loves us in such an enormous way.  And I have been waiting and waiting and waiting to start sharing the pictures and adventures of living in WA.  No more waiting, except for this kind - 

"Wait for the Lord; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the Lord!" Psalm 27:14




2 comments:

  1. I'm glad to see you back...and I can't wait to hear about life in Washington. Miss talking with you! :)

    ReplyDelete